tsubame: (wings)
Saturday, February 11th, 2012 02:33 pm
So.

The problem with all of these competing Internet services is that they tend to divert you for the shear ease of usage. Actually writing an LJ entry actually takes some devotion, some thought . . . not much, but even so. And so people don't, because it's easier to put a shorter entry elsewhere, and so there's less reason to come to LJ in the first place, which means you end up not updating as much and . . . vicious circle.

But the fact remains that, while other services might be more convenient, LJ still reigns when it comes to having coherent and meaningful and in-depth conversations with people . . . when there are posts to comment on, that is. And when people actually comment. Granted I'm no model as far as that's concerned.

The thing that's been eating up large amounts of my spare time these days is Tumblr; mine is over here, if you're curious. I occasionally write brief pieces inspired by the pictures that I post. Not often, but occasionally.

LJ, however, remains the most convenient place for posting writing, especially as so much of mine is not in a finished form that might qualify it for a place like AO3. Et alors!

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"I thought you might be one of those people. You know. Proselyte-ing-y ones."

She shook her head. "I have two religions, one for my head and one for my heart. Science--" she tapped her temple, "--and poetry." She laid her hand on her breast. "Neither has any particular need to evangelize."

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'Do you want your receipt?'

'You may keep it. Consider it a gift from my heart to yours. I don't know what it says about my heart, that it produces cheap paper and pumps blue ink, or that it considers such things suitable gifts, but nonetheless I hope you'll accept it.'

Rose: your heart does not produce cheap paper and pump blue ink. believe me--i've checked. would you like to see the blueprints?

Me: The blueprints might be handy. Usually my heart produces smooth lined paper and pumps aetheric graphite, so this change is a bit alarming. Of course, it's SUPPOSED to produce vellum and pump egg tempera and gold leaf, but it's never worked quite right from the beginning, so . . .

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I played a random priest in a game set in 1666 London, and he was great fun. Father James Savant: High Anglican/crypto-Catholic, power-hungry and utterly ruthless, but absolutely convinced that he was doing God's work, with a taste for the finer things in life (mainly fine art, but his absolutely simple cassock is blacker than black, and his crucifix is ornate silver, and his Bible's cover is inscribed gold and jems, and his shoes are heinously expensive . . . you get the idea).

I came home from the game absolutely wanting to write stories about him, and despite the late hour sat down to hammer one out . . . only to find that the voices were ending up all wrong, too amusingly lighthearted, and I was actually writing a scene from a fanfic. So after an attempt at repair I sighed, gave up, changed the names, and now it's an XMFC AU snippet and that's it (there's precedent! Marvel 1602 by Neil bloody Gaiman, because he gets to do all the most fun stuff).

Right.

the Consolation of Philosophy )

. . . let us pray the merciful gods I write no more, at least of this.
tsubame: (rifle)
Thursday, November 3rd, 2011 05:41 pm
Lisa: Well aren't you just a precious little snowflake....

Me: I am not A precious little snowflake, I am THE precious little snowflake. I resent all insinuations that there might be other snowflakes out there that are also precious! I even resent the idea that there might be other snowflakes!

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When one does not know what it is, then it is something; but when one knows what it is, then it is nothing. What is it? )

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I Imagine The Gods, by Jack Gilbert )
tsubame: (sleepy)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2011 12:57 am
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Fresco map of Italy, from the map rooms in the Vatican

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8月21日 )

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bir var mis, bir yok mis )

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8月30日 )

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9月2日 )
tsubame: (aqua)
Sunday, June 26th, 2011 10:58 pm
During last week’s game, we got to the stage where we were making plans. Well, Jonathan was making plans as his character, who Lázár has nicknamed “Ponce.” And as he was making plans, he was looking at me for advice and approval.

Which of course Lázár, my current character, is completely unsuited to give: he’s not a planner or a deep thinker. No; it was simply a holdover from last game, when Jonathan played a character named Niccolo and I played Tokugawa-- who was a planner, a rationalist, a strategist.

And who is not entirely gone from my mind, so I felt her surge of satisfaction/triumph. You see, she said to me, you see what I have made.

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I took a walk down to the bank. There were some climbing roses and they smelled the way roses are meant to. There were trees-- so many-- whispering endlessly. There were houses for sale, and I populated their empty windows with my doubts.


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I learned something, long ago: I cannot ask my family to do anything.

Well, that’s not strictly true. I can ask them for certain things. As long as they’re small, and they cause very little inconvenience, and aren’t too expensive. As long as they don’t require anyone to sacrifice on my behalf.

Nor can I call to complain about anything, and expect to be soothed, comforted, cheered up. Nor can I ever expect to be spoiled or coddled, taken care of. All of these things are my job-- just as it’s my job to be okay, no matter what.

But every once and a while I forget that certain things are not allowed. I make a request, something that ought to be simple.

And then I learn, once again.

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I really shouldn’t try my hand at humor when depressed, it makes me far too cynical:

Blankman: ‎KB is sorry she causes cancer.
Me: Only in lab rats, but EVERYTHING causes cancer in lab rats.
KB: Why must I cause such suffering and despair?
Me: Lab rats are born for suffering and despair. Human souls gotta go somewhere on their next round of incarnation. The karmatic burden would be unmanageable otherwise.

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There’s a one-pound coin that I carry around in my wallet, I call it my lucky pound. Because it shares a birth year with me. And because it’s scratched and worn and dirty, kicked around, all its innocent shine worn away. It’s a coin that has traveled far and seen some hard use.

Kind of like me.

And even so, despite all that, it’s a pound. Legal tender. Not worth quite as much as it once was, to be sure, but still worth something.

I hope that’s like me, too. That’s why it’s my lucky pound.

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Written in Pencil in the Sealed Railway-Car, by Dan Pagis )
Written in Pencil in the Sealed Railway-Car, by Dan Pagis

here in this carload
i am eve
with abel my son
if you see my other son
cain son of man
tell him that i

~translated from the Hebrew by Stephen Mitchell
tsubame: (reading)
Sunday, May 8th, 2011 06:03 pm
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Taken in Brugges during my first afternoon walking around there. I found a great deal of gorgeously blooming wisteria on my travels-- I never knew it smelled so nice. Sensei spent some time trying to get me to say “藤” and “藤壷” correctly. You’d think it wouldn’t be that hard, but I had a terrible time . . .

Transcripts of my writings from my recent trip to Ghent, Brugges, and Leiden.

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26 April 2011 )

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27 April 2011 )

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28 April 2011 )

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30 April 2011 )

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Sonnet XXX, by William Shakespeare (painted on a wall in Leiden) )

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“But now we are all, in all places, strangers and pilgrims, travelers and sojourners . . .”

~Robert Cushman, Pilgrim Leader, 1622

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Poem 23, by e e cummings (painted on a wall in Leiden) )
tsubame: (foot-mouth)
Thursday, May 5th, 2011 09:46 am
It happens to be the birthday month of [livejournal.com profile] saiun_challenge, which means I need to post a bunch of fics that haven’t gone up thus far. So prepare yourself for an invasion of Saiunkoku AUs . . .

The first being a continuation of one of my previously-posted AUs, which I very simply titled “College” (link is to the ff.net page, since I can’t find the LJ post at the moment). It’s purest insanity. The continuing adventures of Seiran and Ensei. At college. Warnings for language.

College: Unfortunate Acquaintances )
tsubame: (foot-mouth)
Thursday, March 31st, 2011 11:10 pm
I have FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY finished chapter 3 of Demon Hunter! We’re not going to talk about how long I’ve been working on it.

Demon Hunter: Previous Installments
Chapter One: Departure
Chapter Two: The Long Road
Chapter Three: Learning Experience (part 1: Gold)

Chapter Three: Learning Experience (part 2: Soap) )

Sidestories
Haunted

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One of my previous roommate's cats, Shunki, as an adolescent, having a stretch on my futon. An absolutely gorgeous cat, and well aware of it. Like my Jackl she was also a rescue-- my friend fished her and her littermates out of a box in a river in Tokyo. All went to good homes and have grown up to be wonderful pets. Shunki and her brother Ensei are now living happily in the United States, where they are referred to fondly by my previous roommate as "her Stupids."

The kanji for Shunki's name is "春姫", which translates to "spring princess." Rarely have name and personality suited each other so well in anyone.

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5 Reasons Humanity is Terrible at Democracy

Deeply interesting and informative reading. Terribly depressing, though.

Bioware Tells Straight Men to "Get Over" Being Hit on By Gay Men in "Dragon Age 2"

Good for them. An intelligent and reasoned response to a complaint probably wasn't either.

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A Color of the Sky, by Tony Hoagland )
tsubame: (hey!)
Thursday, March 3rd, 2011 12:38 am
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There is a rather remarkable propensity towards flowers in Scotland; hard to believe in a country so far north and yet true. Summer, for instance, is nothing but endless green and gold where I grew up in the States, but here there were more flowering things than I could name. The roses, too, grow splendidly, and last well into fall.

I never did find that camera cord; I ended up replacing it.

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The birds outside our window are dinosaurs. WE NOW HAVE THE BEST FACT.

~xkcd

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while reading the Mauritius Command:

Oh, Stephen. Jack was up all night worrying about you and you come back with an albatross egg and a parrot that speaks French.

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geekery and fanfic in an email today:

I have a crazy Ryuuki, a three-eyed demon Ryuuki, an assassin Ryuuki, a chichi-ue Ryuuki, a Ryuuki hooked up to computers, a ridiculously cute Ryuuki, a Ryuuki with piercings, a courtesan Ryuuki, a dragon Ryuuki . . .

::is beginning to suspect that she's deeply insane::

You know what I don't have? A one-eyed warrior Ryuuki!

::glowing cheerfully at the thought::

::fairly certain that she is quite insane, actually::
tsubame: (combini)
Friday, February 25th, 2011 01:01 am
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My parents and I took the train up to Takayama from Kyoto. It was a spectacular journey through green mountains and sudden gorges carved by white-water rivers. Takayama itself was also gorgeous, even though it poured rain for just about the entire time we were there.

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I've changed my LJ theme, because I needed a bit of sun to get me through the rest of this bleak season. It should be noted that I dislike daisies. There are flowers that I like, though I find that my preferences are very influenced by scent: lillies of the valley, roses, sweet daphne, hyacinths (which I do not like the look of, but they smell delightful). Plum and cherry blossoms (I prefer the former, but if it's dessert time sakura all the way). Morning glories (though they have no scent at all). I have a fondness for snowdrops because they come up first, and crocuses for coming up after to say that spring's really arrived.

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A haiku cannot
be ordered, it must spring forth
spontaneously.
Thursday, January 20th, 2011 12:54 am
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Last spring I was able to go to a huge roller coaster park in Japan with some of my friends. Among the ten coasters in the park they also happen to have the world's largest wooden one; this is a view of it from the nearby Ferris wheel. I rode it once, but found that it gave me a pounding headache. Looks like I've gotten too old for wooden roller coasters. I did fine on the modern ones, though.

I might also have been more prone to headaches at the time, seeing as my parents were visiting. When my parents visited me in Japan I was usually in a state of high stress and constant sleep deprivation/exhaustion.

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Wednesdays are going to be my busy days; biweekly that means class from 9 AM to 9:30 PM, with an hour's break for lunch and dinner/transport each. And then walking 40 minutes home. Today was the first of them, and actually I found myself enjoying it. I like being busy; it makes me feel useful. Which explains why I so mercilessly over-scheduled myself while I lived in Japan; I did in fact enjoy it.

I've actually been rather lazy since coming to Scotland. I think I need to take further steps to remedy this.

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Over the vacation I had a chance for some long talks with my various family members, some of which were quite interesting.

Regarding a conversation with my little brother with attendant thoughts which cover socialism in Sweden, the causes of the American Civil War, rappers, and lottery tickets. )

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I had half an hour during my busiest busy day in which to procure dinner. I wanted to go to the Black Medicine coffee house, because its name is so cool, but I ended up wandering the wrong way. I was thinking thoughts of going into the KFC-- I was running out of time-- it would be easy to order there-- but at the last second I gave in to the terrible yellow plastic beacon of a down-at-the-heels middle eastern place with cheap battered tables and faded posters of deserts on the walls.

And glad I was to have done so. Their baba ganoush was LOVELY. And I found out that the "sh" sound at the end has a bit of a hard "g" sound in it. I am enlightened!

. . . okay, nowhere near. But I get a little closer every day!

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I found some fun and interesting things on the internet recently. Let me share them with you!

A friend who is obsessed with a cartoon show called Phineas and Ferb linked me to this episode which makes reference to Carmell Dansen. At which point I told her that about two years ago Japan discovered this song in its original Swedish. And before long ALL OF JAPAN WAS INFECTED. It caught on so hugely that every anime currently on the air (and many who just have extremely obsessive fans) was making their own version of it (Jack Sparrow's at 2.16, fyi).

The same friend taught me a new French phrase!

déjà moo - the distinct feeling that you've heard this bull before

My stock of French phrases is growing once again! I can now add this gem of wisdom to my recently-acquired "tes moeurs crapuleuses" ("your sordid morals") and "tu cherches à corrompre mon paresseux" ("you are trying to corrupt my sloth"). Thankee, Patrick O'Brian!

This picture is my current desktop walllpaper. About which I said . . . )

To which my adorable sister replied... )

She's so cute! <3

This comic is quite adorable.

Reading through Pandora Hearts led to this string of (mostly) non-spoiler comments on Facebook:

Comments Ahoy! )
tsubame: (hey!)
Saturday, October 30th, 2010 01:35 am
I finished watching Soukyuu no Fafner.

Behind which I am a scary fangirl, without any real spoilers )

Soukyuu no Fafner, or Fafner in the Azure, hereby receives a hearty recommendation from me. GO WATCH IT SO WE CAN FANGIRL TOGETHER.

Nothing good ever comes of of talking to shoulder demons.
tsubame: (reading)
Monday, September 6th, 2010 02:59 pm
"I'm beginning to think that Turners are a bit like jazz-- they must be experienced in person or not at all."
~me


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My hometown is beautiful. There's really no denying it. There are endless seas of green lawns, gracious houses, stately trees casting dappled islands of shade. There's an abundance of chipmunks, squirrels, rabbits, skunks, songbirds. Lately we've been acquiring brown-dappled hawks, badgers, foxes, and owls. The streets are wide and well-paved, and once and a while a car glides through. The sky is so blue that at its xenith it is almost purple. The wind sighs gently through arched cathedrals of branches.

It has always been amazing to me, as I moved through this peaceful land of gold and green, that I so seldom see people out and about enjoying it.

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The cast for the Ooku movie is so hilarious and awesome that I can't believe it. I really, really want to see that movie now. Nino as the lead role?! Hilarious enough, but they also cast TAMAKI HIROKI?!

and Tadayoshi Okura from Kanjani8 as theguywhohasamassivecrushonhim.

Oh great gods I cannot stop laughing. And I lack words to describe how awesome this is. And I want to go to Barnes and Noble to read the rest of the manga. Well, the rest of the manga that's out, as it's one of those that is published exceedingly slowly. I understand that they're planning a ten-book release, of which four have come out in English. Looks like there are six out in Japanese, at least according to amazon.co.jp.

oh come on they're all playing men who live in the (female) shogun's harem HOW CAN THIS NOT BE AWESOME.
tsubame: (combini)
Thursday, August 26th, 2010 11:51 pm
[livejournal.com profile] subsiding_leaf linked me to this review of Yakuza 3 (龍が如く3). A game about Yakuza, reviewed by Yakuza! And lots of spot-on observations about the seedier side of Japan, enough that I was in stitches. I particularly liked this line: "Don't say gaijin. Say gaikokujin. It's more polite. Jake's a gaijin."

TOO FUNNY.

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For my own reference, the lyrics to an excellent Porno Graffiti Song, again courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] subsiding_leaf.

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On my way back from the supermarket I passed a bunch of kids employed in that standby of American childhood-- the roadside lemonade stand. I pulled over the car and walked back to do my part.

"I take it you guys are selling lemonade?" Because what other reason could there be for a group of kids to be out on the curb with a pitcher and two stacks of cups?

"Yeah! Do you want some?"

"I would like some, indeed."

"Big or small?"

"Well, I'm pretty thirsty. Better give me a big one."

"Okay! That's 75 cents."

"All I've got is a dollar. Is that okay?"

"Sure! Would you like change?"

"No, that's okay. Consider it my donation to the education fund."

"Thank you! Oh, wait, wait!"

"Hm? What is it?"

"We give all our nicest customers flowers. Here's yours!"

I got back in the car, poorer one dollar, richer one cup of lemonade, one bright yellow daisy, and the feeling that this day, at least, was one worth living.
Saturday, August 7th, 2010 07:45 am
Megaupload link to Within Temptation's "a Final Dream," as quoted in the previous post.

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Even Through the Summer Storm, by Carol Clark Williams

wild geese imagine the moon and
row toward it, writing
lines of poetry.

Against the gothic clouds they sketch
sestinas, every stanza
beginning with the letter "v".

They search the lightning-punctuated sky
for words that rhyme with
"flight" and "night".

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. . . yeah, I wrote more Kingdom Hearts fic. Even more plotless and pointless this time! I blame [livejournal.com profile] majochan, because I think the initial prom-shenanagins idea was hers. She's the one with the truly brilliant ideas about it, too. Had me in stitches.

FIC.

Title: Dance Lessons
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

What are we gonna do at prom? )

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I wanna be a member of the Grown-Up Party! With maybe a little humor thrown in, since I don't want to be a part of an organization that lacks a sense of humor.

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The problem with many computers has its roots in a problem with humans-- we don't like to think. We're lazy, and if we can help it we'll take the easy way out. This is why Apple and Windows are more successful then, say, Linux-- they make things easier for people. If something seems to hard, we give up on it fairly easily.

So computers do things for us so that we won't hit that threshold. Which works . . . up to a point. Problems arise when the computer assumes it knows what you're trying to do and starts doing it for you-- but gets it wrong. The subtleties of human purpose in using programs are often lost on the programs themselves, which in trying to help too much end up hindering or even preventing. Ironically, for most of these programs there's no easy way to tell them to stop doing it. No easy way to reassure them that you know what you're doing, however strange that might seem, and you don't need the computer's help to do it.

Which of course leads to the comical situation of me shaking my fist at the computer screen and yelling, "stop assuming you're smarter than me!" I bought my camera for the express reason that, while I can definitely use the help in setting up my shots most of the time, not to mention the convenience of having the balance adjusted for me, I want to be able to tell it to stop and leave me alone, that I can take shots that its tiny computer brain can't conceive the purpose or propriety of.

I just wish I could do that with Word 2007. Maybe if the damn thing was in English rather than Japanese I might have a chance of figuring it out . . .

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There was a full glass coffee pot mostly submerged in a sink-full of water at work today. A moment's thought gave me the answer to why it was there. Still, I spent a minute smiling at the serene ridiculousness of the image, and thought to myself happily, "the world is stranger and more wonderful than I was previously aware."

I love those moments, I really do.

Recently my father sent me a postcard from where he was attending a seminar on radio telescopes in North Carolina. The card read, "I thought you would find this particular postcard funny."

The postcard is a before-and-after sort. The top shows the radio telescope standing proud and lovely, a lacework flower-cup of whitewashed girders. The second picture is from the next day, and shows a pile of white wreckage where once the telescope stood.

It did, indeed, make me laugh. One day-- beautiful functioning high-tech scientific instrument! The next day-- pile of twisted rubble! Aaaah, I can't believe it just collapsed like that-- like a fflan in a cupboard, to quote Eddie Izzard. Just imagine, some poor dude left work, locked the door behind him, everything was fine. He drives up the next morning, and wham! I bet he totally BSODed. Or maybe just sighed and drove off to find the nearest bar.

I'm still laughing about it, yeah. Apparently my father knows me quite well, including my odd sense of humor.

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I don't know what it says about me, but pictures like this one, of the First Family visiting a National Park, make me really really happy. That strange feeling of pride and hope-- I don't know where it comes from, but it's all the more welcome given my generally somewhat depressing news-reading hobby.

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An article written by a hibakusha on her experience in Hiroshima. I am adamantly anti-nuclear weapons, under any and all circumstances. I further believe that the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were absolutely wrong and should be a source of national shame to the U.S.A., instead of an oft-ignored, bare paragraph in history textbooks. Considering that WWII is America's last "just" war (or possibly our only one, though I'm reluctant to even go that far), my opinions on the matter are hardly what one would call widespread.
Friday, March 23rd, 2007 09:29 pm
The following have made me laugh in recent days:

This page from the webcomic Friendly Hostility. Specifically panels 2 and 3. "Sweet Neietzche, what the hell?!" I DIE.

Maura-san's livejournal. She regularly astounds me with her laconic and utterly original wit. Usually I'm left blinking in bemused, amused astonishment.

This page from the webcomic Gunnerkrigg Court. Specifically the last panel. One finds such interesting things by reading Neil Gaiman's livejournal, really.

Skippy's List. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Calvin & Hobbes. It doesn't matter that I've read every single strip at least ten times. They're still funny.

This page from the webcomic Questionable Content. Actually QC makes me laugh on a regular basis. The punchlines tend towards awesome. They're killer, really. It hits all the bases; it even has robots! With existential crisises! This strip, though, is my all time favorite. It is made of SOLID GOLD PLUTONIUM SLEDGEHAMMERS NAMED SVEN. That's how hard it kicks your ass.

Kanshou and Bakuya in the Demon Hunter AU, as per my icon. It's [livejournal.com profile] majochan's fault, really, since it was her idea to have the swords literally talk in the first place. Now they won't shut up. Why is it that when I write inanimate objects or pets they always end up having as much or more personality than their supposed owners do?

This is possibly the sweetest poem ever:

roses are #FF0000
violets are #0000FF
all my base
are belong to you

Where do I find these things, anyway?
Friday, March 16th, 2007 03:21 pm
Why the heck did they let him speak, that's what I'd like to know . . . it was just dumb . . .

In honor of the ides of March! Which was in fact yesterday, but it's still the 15th in my native time zone, so this counts. A poem!

On the Vanity of Earthly Greatness, by Arthur Guiterman

The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons, are billiard balls.

The sword of Charlemagne the Just
Is Ferric Oxide, known as rust.

The grizzly bear, whose potent hug,
Was feared by all, is now a rug.

Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,
And I don't feel so well myself.
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Wednesday, January 31st, 2007 11:24 pm
Normally I don't do memes, but this one seemed somewhat intriguing and had potential amusement value, so I thought I'd give it a try. For songs covered by another artist, I put the cover artist first, then a semicolon and the original artist. And so:

Here's how it works!
1. Open your library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
7. When you're finished tag some other people to do it!

Opening Credits: Aaron Copeland, Fanfare for the Common Man
(Wow, that’s one heck of a dramatic beginning.)

Waking Up: Final Fantasy, DJ Epic (Rave Mix)
(And a rather bizarrely perky beginning of my day. Anyone who’s seen me stumble around upon first waking knows just how ridiculously funny this is.)

First Day of School: Savoir Faire; Tori Amos, Cornflake Girl
(That . . . kind of makes sense. I don’t remember any of my first days of school, but it seems appropriate somehow.)

Falling in Love: Tom Lehrer, the Masochism Tango
(This one is just really freaking funny. I swear I’m adhering to the rules of the meme.)

Fight Song: Koisuru Minaru, Fence of Defense
(Not a very dramatic fight, though at least the name is appropriate. I tend to fight defensively, it’s one of my weaknesses.)

Breaking Up: Radiohead, Idioteque
(Ouch. Apparently a lot of fallout.)

Prom: Hayashibara Megumi, Raging Waves
(The prom actually was pretty fun, as I recall. Rained something fierce, so this is not inappropriate.)

Life: Tori Amos, Butterfly
(Disturbing . . .)

Driving: M.H., This Illusion
(Techno-ish stuff is always good for driving, I approve.)

Flashback: Globe, See the Light
(No real comment, but I swear my playlist is not entirely techno. It’s not even mostly techno.)

Getting Back Together: Madonna, Dear Jessie
(Um? Well, it’s a very cute song, I guess? I don’t really get it, but it’s certainly happy.)

Wedding: Yunna, Houki Boshi
(Fun wedding, then! Well, actually the translation for the song lyrics is quite sweet, so.)

Party: Brahms, Double Cello Concerto 1: Allegro
(Apparently this party was DJed by Ikari Shinji. Well, if Yo-yo Ma put on a personal appearance, I’d sure as hell come.)

Birth of A Child: Weiss Kreuz, Beautiful Alone
(Going to be an interesting kid with a start like that.)

Final Battle: the Police, Every Little Thing She Does is Magic
(What the hell kind of wimpy final battle is that?!)

Funeral Song: E Nomine, E Nomine (Pontius Pilot)
(Sweet, they play German religious techno at my cremation! That ROCKS!)

Ending Credits: Tori Amos: Stevie Nicks, Landslide
(huh.)


Apparently the movie of my life is a bizarre post-modernist arthouse comedy. Can't say I'm surprised. Probably shot on a very low budget, and the scriptwriter was also the cameraman. Critics have no idea what to make of it, most common response among audiences is, "well, I don't think I quite got it. But it was . . . interesting, don't you think, dear? Yes, very interesting."
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Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 05:49 am
Woke up at 4:58 from a nightmare.

I was sitting on the edge of a battlefield with my mom and little sister, having politely declined to join the rest of the soldiers. We were given that option as each rank stepped up to the border where the battlefield was to start. Those of us who opted out had to sit on the sidelines where we would be safe.

I watched the soldiers in the fields below shooting at each other, deaf to the calls of their commanding officers (although what help repeated shouts of "Maneuver! Maneuver!" were, I have no idea), watched them fall before the enemy had even been sighted. And I thought, "there's no way we're going to win this."

Still I sat, and continued sitting until I saw a volley released, up and up, arching over the sky. Watched it come down, as my mother said, "it must be some kind of mistake. We're not on the battlefield. They can't shoot here, it's against the rules."

I waited for the bullet in the grass next to my leg to stop steaming, then picked it up to show her. "This is war, Mom. There are no rules."

The next volley came from the left, well beyond where the battlefield supposedly ended. I watched, and tried to calculate where it would fall, if we could move and not be hit. But the black specks multiplied in midair, until they became a cloud, a deadly swarm. I wish I had done something noble at that point in my dream, shielded my sister, told her to run, something. But all I did was sit there, and I thought, "I don't want to die." And, "if and when I open my eyes after this, I will be in hell."

I opened my eyes.

My apartment, while messy, doesn't quite qualify for the netherworld. Although considering how much money I'm burning on electricity to run my heaters this year, not to mention the way I keep falling asleep with the lights on, I might reconsider that soon.

My thoughts regarding my dream are too complicated and disorganized to sum up here. Apparently my mental comprehension of what war is like is stuck about 150 years in the past, though-- not surprising, given how I spent a good portion of my formative years touring American Civil War battlefields. I am given to understand that things have only gotten worse.

No point in going back to sleep. Might as well start my day.
Sunday, November 12th, 2006 03:12 pm
me: nonono, I am utterly without qualms, truly I am poor in qualms, my qualm-treasury is completely bare.

Christmas can't come soon enough.
Tuesday, September 26th, 2006 11:29 pm
On a lite-er note, a pirate!

The joke in the artist's comments had me laughing for a good long while.
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