Some of the bits that impressed me: (1) Ensei's "oh hell, oh hell, oh hell" That's so great, suggests Ensei's emotional state without needing any other details. And although I don't remember canon Ensei actually saying "oh hell", I can just hear that coming from him. (2)"He had died screaming in the snow, with the stench of the deep wound in his bowels polluting the woods." So economical, so effective, so AWFUL without any long descriptions or graphic details. (3)" ... and shortened his stride just the right amount." Love the attention to details here. Yes, of course Seien would need to adjust his strides, but it's incredible that you have involved yourself so much in that world as to be conscious of such wardrobe issues! (4)"That glacial ice inside of him was melting, leaking out through his eyes." Nice!
And yes, I echo what some of the other comments said, your chibi Ryuuki really is cute!
Wonderful introductory chapter, makes me want to read more!
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Some of the bits that impressed me:
(1) Ensei's "oh hell, oh hell, oh hell"
That's so great, suggests Ensei's emotional state without needing any other details. And although I don't remember canon Ensei actually saying "oh hell", I can just hear that coming from him.
(2)"He had died screaming in the snow, with the stench of the deep wound in his bowels polluting the woods."
So economical, so effective, so AWFUL without any long descriptions or graphic details.
(3)" ... and shortened his stride just the right amount."
Love the attention to details here. Yes, of course Seien would need to adjust his strides, but it's incredible that you have involved yourself so much in that world as to be conscious of such wardrobe issues!
(4)"That glacial ice inside of him was melting, leaking out through his eyes."
Nice!
And yes, I echo what some of the other comments said, your chibi Ryuuki really is cute!
Wonderful introductory chapter, makes me want to read more!