what an icebox heart I've been given

[tsubame]

A random person on Facebook wrote some sort of happy update about her joy in arranging her wedding. I read it and shrugged. How strange, I thought to myself. I didn't understand.

I didn't understand.

I . . . can think of no time when I have loved and it has brought me pure and absolute joy. Every time I have thought, I love you, it has always been tinged with a knowledge of loss, of the ephemeral. I love you, and we will part. I love you, and this moment will pass. I love you, and soon you will go, soon I will go.

Love may last, but happiness does not.

Comments

[azusachan.livejournal.com]

I find that feeling extremely familiar. In all my past relationships I've been able to look at someone, know I was in love with them, but also that I wouldn't always be. I never had to really fight for myself in situations of compromise, because I knew when it became too much I would simply leave. I let myself get walked on a lot. Hate to be one of those people that says 'it can change when you meet the right person' (particularly since, as you know, I'm such a cynic), but I have since found myself in the situation of looking at another person and not being able to see a natural end to our time together. Damn terrifying, because it means I have to be totally honest AND stick up for yourself. That's scary, real life grown-up crap right there.

[grey-damaskena.livejournal.com]

But wonderful that you have found it-- as a cynic you can know that not many do, and treasure it all the more. And I'm glad that it was you, even if it does mean you're in for some scary real-life grown-up crap. :-)