bittersweet symphony

[tsubame]

Yesterday I arrived. Everything went fine. The weather was good. Everyone was kind to me. I didn't have any problems through the many transfers and unfamiliar airports and buses.

It was not a good day.

Idiot, idiot. Why do you do this, again and again? What are you looking for? Idiot. You don't even know. You leave everyone you love. Again and again. What do you think you're going to find? Stupid, stupid, stupid. What can possibly be here that you haven't found anywhere else? How many places must you go? Idiot. Everything in a pathetic pile of suitcases and nowhere to go. You have everything and you leave it for nothing. Again and again.

Gods, how I hate you.

This morning by some miracle I woke up early. The sky outside was grey, grey, grey. The buff-colored stones were streaked with wet. Among the things I didn't have: an umbrella.

Making breakfast, I felt my spirit lighten. Eggs, pesto, cheese. I stole the last of someone's milk, a little bit of olive oil. I ate breakfast, made myself a wrap to bring along for lunch.

As I walked to campus, it began to rain in earnest. Where could I get an umbrella?

I found one in a Sainsbury's, with the help of a kind saleswoman who called me "luv." I found the bus, I went to campus for the first time. Even in the rain it was lovely and green, with the city in the distance poking through the mist.

I found where I was supposed to go by luck. I spoke to many people, with confidence and ease.

How much I have changed in five years.

I spent lunch with other people in my program. They filled me in on what I'd missed, told me a great deal about Edinburgh. They helped me to get to the new campus . . . where I had to leave them for lack of a signiture.

I was not worried. I made the necessary calls. I found an advertisement for the aikido club. I stumbled on a weekly gamer's section and promised to come the next week. I easily took the bus back to the first campus. It stopped raining, and the sun came out.

I didn't get my signature. Instead I got information on places to rent. Garnered useful websites. Ran into a Malaysian woman who helped me find my way out of the building. And then offered to take me into town to show me where to get a cell phone.

We walked there together, stopping in thrift stores along the way so I could get some long-sleeved clothing. On the way I found out that we both loved fantasy books, and both read manga and watch anime. We exchanged emails, I got my phone. Then I saw her off.

I ate my wrap sitting on a low stone wall.

One block further on, I saw an easel out advertising Aztec-style chocolate infused with different flavors. One pound fifty. I treated myself to an elegant esspresso-cup infused with rose and black pepper. It came with an elegant square of white chocolate to counter the bitterness. They even gave me the pitcher it was made in, because "it had a little extra in."

"A little extra" being nearly another full cup.

I walked back to the hostel, exploring along a canal. House boat for sale, 25,000 pounds.

I found my way back to the hostel.

It was a very good day.

Comments

[lucifermourning.livejournal.com]

you are in Edinburgh!!!!

eep! while not local, that is much more local than usual! this means i may get to actually see you some time. or at least talk to you without crazy time zones and japanese phones that don't get my calls through.
how do i call you?
did you get my e-mail from a little while ago?
squee!

[grey-damaskena.livejournal.com]

I am. :-)

It is at least in the same time zone as you, and seeing you would be awesome indeed. Granted I'm going to be face down in my books a lot of the time that I'm here-- mustdowellmustdowellmustdowell-- but nevertheless the seeing of the Pam can and should happen.

gaaaah I missed phone calls due to phone?!?! noooooo . . .

::tragedy::

I . . . er. Maybe? Or maybe not? When was this? What was in the email?

[lucifermourning.livejournal.com]

yeah, i gave up calling your japanese phone because it didn't seem to like to accept my calls.

it was a couple weeks ago, when you asked for my e-mail address. i sent it to WhettedKnife. i just sent another one.

[misspaulette.livejournal.com]

Ah, I know that feeling. But it sounds as if you are finding your stride rather quickly. And at least the language is (almost) the same this time, right? ;) I misses you & I WILL come visit you someday!!

[grey-damaskena.livejournal.com]

Indeed, at least I can always ask for directions! And have a higher chance of actually understanding the directions!

My accent is already changing. It always does, when I'm around people who speak differently than I . . .

YAY VISIT! Heh, I should find a place to live. So I have somewhere to put you when you do.

[imanewme.livejournal.com]

I've been reading your stuff for a couple of years now and yet, apparently I know nothing about you! (too stalker-ish?)

Why are you in Scotland? Are you a student? (I've always assumed so.) Do you travel for your job? Are you military?

I don't even know where you're actually from. I've always assumed Japan. So, um... where *do* you call "hometown"?

Okay, I know it's probably creepy and random to get this comment, so I apologize in advance.

Scotland...wow... so in awe of you right now.

[grey-damaskena.livejournal.com]

::amused:: I make all my best friends by stalking them, for serious. There really needs to be a better term for it, "stalker" has too many unfortunate connotations.

I am indeed a student again, studying in Edinburgh. I no longer have a job (I was an English teacher in Japan, which is why I was there for five years). I feel so poor. :-(

I once had a conversation about the military with my high school guidance councilor. I was thinking of joining to get money for college. He said, "of course the army is a fine career and I will help you if that's what you want to do. But when someone says 'jump!' I don't think you're the sort to say 'how high?' but rather 'why do I have to?'"

Needless to say I didn't join the military.

I'm actually from the US of A, and specifically the extremely boring state of NJ.